| Chapter One :
The Day I Died |
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0:14 Thursday December 19 2002 -
Hot News! |
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lilpigie |
Hot News! Personal Jesus was catched diggin' tunnels! Curious-Nation Diary couldn't pass such a epic event and we're proud to present exclusive interview to our readers.
Curious Nation: Hallelujah! But who made Brotha' o' God leave his main warm place in middle o nook church and get involved into stupidity o' mortals?
Jesus: How you, ungrateful nation, could eva think I went there fo' money? To train armpits-muscles.
Curious Nation: But we heared it was fo' Governement! How for Governement was it?
Jesus: It was as fo' Governement as could be eva.
Curious Nation: Any Goods xcept stolen Orange Kaska and full head o sand daily?
Jesus: I discovered physic'n'physical Phenomena! Phenomena o' more diggin' - more belly grows. N' the bigga's belly - the moo' fall panties..
Curious Nation: Ahh, who eva could believe not in Jesus only, but in his interest to exact sciences!
Jesus: Yee, in near Futa' planned to go to desert and continue researches, cuz xpectin' serious chances to Nobel Reward in public utilities and communal economy area.
Curious Nation: But why You're not on work now? Just try avoid work or did You quit?
Jesus: Did I? Ahh, yeee.. Seems, I did... Sure, I did..
Curious Nation: But why? Cause expected pious grannys crowdedn't aroundya, elbowin' n' cursin' with fresh donutive bulochky as usual?
Jesus: O' two reasons: Cuz' o green-peace ecologists blamed me I'm wastin' too much Cows in daily sandwitches; and cuz o Phenomena and well-trained llrdy stumich-muscle.
Curious Nation: You mean, wasten't Cows in undiggin'-times? Wha' are You feedin then?
Jesus: Yogourt and Caramel. Like didn't ya know.
Curious Nation: Any free-o'charge Jesus-genuine thoughts fo' our readers?
Jesus: eeeeeeeeee..
Curious Nation: ..Thankya kindly, wha a comprehensive explanation! Jesus Foreva'! And pass kind regards to Your Brotha'!
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18:36 Wednesday December 11 2002 -
dreams are like water, colourless and dangerous... |
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Val |
I got an AK47 fo' xmess .. packed in a colorful bundled box n' all ...
so was quite afraid to touch it cuz tought mustben't mine .. anywayko then it valyalasy fo' few weeks n' sillyme decided gee if none claimed mustbe mine .. so took ak47 held in hands fo' a while n' all can rememeba is that aftawards touched it n' it was fake o' rubba n'n't with wooden handle as i tought.
..
then cought a moth buttafly n' put in'a jar ... n' seems otha smalla bothafly got into jar ba itself n' em' both became dragons breathin' purple n' red smoke on each otha ..
n' then found self in move theatha watchin' the beginin' o' Sixth Sense .. bu' then someone screamed there's a bomb n' all narod like sheeps ran away .. n' sillyme got slowly out o' theata .. n' near gate fell a metheor or whateva n' was two dyadykas with remote controls controlin' UFOs .. n' tellin' see it was us controllin' em all timeko to brake meteors n' stupid public tought ic' aliens ..
anywayko seems this movie theatre had ogogogo gate as in castles so i asked em' to remote control their ufo to brake gate ..
in that point still seen the jar with two moths n' looked like the bigga wantad to eat the lil' .. n' when got out o' gate was a strange city with nothin' ther bu' all o' sudden began corps gettin' o' undaground n' all who ran away o' movie theata fought em' with swords n' whan't ... sillyme continued trough town n' was where corps shot fire arrows to letn't come in somewhere .. n' rememban't bu' can only speculate used ma' ak47 to shot em' bu seen how people all die who try go trough fire arrows .. n' went trough maself n' died ... next where found maself afta died is at the beginin' o' same gate .. with total silence o' none around ... bu' sillyme kept goin' in same way ... same corps got o' undaground n' began walkin' each to where wantin' circulin' me ... bu' sillyme just tought pff ghosts n' kept walkin' ....
n' everywhere where was fight before was no more n' instead o' fightin' i talked to the corps .. they talkedn't bu' seems undastood ..
don't remember what happened to moths ..
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5:8 Thursday October 17 2002 -
Things to do with Woman , Yogourt and Caramel. |
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Val |
Ever Wondered there's somebody following you wherever you go? Knows all you
secrets knows your plans ,moves and theories , knows where to find you when lost
track of you.. and is there to steal your goods while you asleep and stab you in
the back when nobody's looking ? ..It's called Paranoia and I advice you to seek
professional
advice.
I am back home , So is the friendly Cow.. actually we're both there for a
number of weeks already ,take a guess, and the situation is simple it's not that
there was no particular and unpart-em-ticular subjects of writing there just was
no urge either there isn't one now but announcing my return the public which
would be stupid for there's no public .. not any interesting that don't aware of
my return from the day I landed.
I wouldn't reveal my destination of travel and my business there for
mysterious reasons , Actions I Committed and Committedn't aren't of my concern
n' no widen information will be provided, unless.
Unless
"Where the creature is (or, as others call it, the mummy of an
embryo) now, is unknown. New articles about the “extraterrestrial” appear only
as new versions of old descriptions, while accumulating new details. In
particular, journalists report that the mysterious creature lived with the woman
for about a month and ate exclusively yogurt and caramel."
Unless you can
reveal where Creature is!
Unless: Ends Here and Sparkling blue-white depths Begins
In this very moment we'd discuss Sidewalks , The sidewalks that were full of
dogshit in brilliant colors: ocher, umber, Mars yellow, sienna, viridian, ivory
black, rose madder. and if you want to turn the volume down and change a channel
(not in particular order) do it now.
Last Paragraph was to scare those aren't worthy and we willn't discuss no
sidewalks and no shits ,we'll Discuss the importance of
HeatBags(tm) as the song goes :
I put 'em in my hat
And I eat 'em just like that
I put 'em in my ears and in my shoes
I put 'em in my pants
And I do a little dance
This always seems to take away my blues
soon will Contraband this things
,Enough about that.
"The conventional symbol (such as the
nightingale, often associated with melancholy), even though it is recognized
only through agreement, is not a sign (like the traffic light) because, again,
it presumably arouses deep feelings and is regarded as possessing properties
beyond what the eye alone sees."
Sparkling blue-white depths : End Here and
Imaginarium Begins
Now Here's an example of
Underrating, Some of most genius painting there're and those are no eggs and
no ears (at least biologically, on the contrary).
"A weakening of the libidinous
interest in reality has recently come to a close."
What Comes Next you ask ?
The
Truth?.
"I'm saying more than I should be saying. I think you put something in my
drink to make me talkative."
"I think you put something in my drink to make me kissative."
They kissed. And giggled like cartoon mice.
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00:00
Monday September 30 2002 -
Home Alone |
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lilpigie |
Sonnet Nr.273, Si-Bemol.
Home Alone (or Things To Do Unleashed when Nobody watchin', hands Untied n' B-rooms Unlocked...)..
Mother Nature takes a deep ya-a-awn o' jaws n' we get next Fall, all transparent, red 'n' yella'... N' wha' did you expect? Birds flyin' South, Sam'n'Max hit the road and Cow'n'Che hikin' explore North.
Majority Pigies left town, n' Minority left in to sit n' bark on everyone tryin' to dig Tunnels fo' Governement here... Attemptin' to keep Shelter on ic' way lilpigie gonna make some noise 'n spill a bit (half-cup, no more, promise) o' hot tea onya o' behind. (after all somebody must wipe off dust o Fresh Bubliki, n' water Tugriki-Tree).
Aaaaakey... Lec turn off the lights, kick off the shoes and look around, counting numerous Advantages n' Gainings:
Afcorse, (and ic' unavoidable) ya can:
... put yer Pyatky on ALL monitors!
... dig Pigie's UnderBed n' steal all hidden (or lost) chocolatka's n' use 'em for personal purposes, n' smoke all Playboys!
... worryn't 'bout Unexpected: 1.Pillow banged in yer head; 2. Fork stuck in yer back or forehead while both yer hands used in nose scratchiness till elbows...
... control (remote n' un') ALL Forx, Pillows n' Unremoted Cameras..
... change password to common Freezer.. (n' don't write down on paper, n' immediately forget afta' get shocked o All Returniness n' pass nice evening in warm atmosphere with starvin' Pigies around Freeza' in mass attempts to Unpassword it)
*(just wonder, if they didn't forget to turn off Iron and leave Dry Food to locked in B-room Mary?)
... lick all found OnTheTopped Sugga' just passin' by, n' afraidn't o after-effects (or Digital-Fusion or Adobe-Premiere..)
... keep unshut yer trap fo' ages n' still be unthrown o' Secon' Floo'...
Ic not me who managed it, but seems, ic'... ic' alil' Hour o' Triumph (or isn't it?) we sure deserved fo' n' finally lec' yeee o' ... but in otha' hand - ahhhhh... lec' betta' take small chocoladka in otha hand...
P.S. Many Thanks fo' Uneaten Cakes o Uncelebrated B-days from Uninvited Guests.
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14:7 Saturday September 14 2002 -
Day I |
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Val |
'Bad , Good .. who cares i'm the one with the Gun.' (Revision:"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.")
For some reason they got it , This Line i mean ,out of the TV broadcasted version of Evil Dead III (ala Army of Darkness) this echo (o' line wronginess) been ramblin' in ma' mind for some time allrdy in between watchiness o' the 1x2 times i seen it on cable just bothered me due the lameness of the line they replaced it with ain't no groovy no' mo'.. n' just think how much tugriki the fuck'n nation invest n' got obligation to pay tax money fo' so they can censorship the shit YA WANTo see...
Come get some.
Ma current residence is a borjoyzee prestige housing located in as told ala expensive neighborhood with almost the total lack of crime , elafuck! no crime at all even! , poor people n' whatn't .. all's sweet n' just lovely ..
Another fuck'n world , all shiny n' clean, wives are not only capable o' pleasin' their husbands ba' 'makin' dishes (in both the meanings) n' satisfy with oral pleasure, they alas can 'work out tha biz' cuz when ya're in a class it's the upper one hail university graduates .. common' don't be shy where's yer gratitude?...
Day One
Subject : Silly Friend
Mission : Went fo' Vacation
Victim : Volik
Expected Status : Dog walked 2 if kind enough 3 times a day, Fed in same ratio as walked, house standin' in the original fundament with all the electronics n' furniture inside (in Tha house).
Current Status : Dog Walked, Fed , House still standin' so does the furniture.
Doubt : How long will I maintain without trashing the place , wating it so ic' architectural 'designer' won't recognize no room he sketched n' no modern solution he been thought n' caddied.
But don't'ya Worry This only the first day o' me wonderful relationship with tha' Housing, perhaps I'll concider a repaint to green tomora'.
I got more .. lec' see ..one , two , three .. ahh thac' four . right ala 2+2 ,1+3,2x2 , 0+4,?2 , Pi + 0.8584073464102068 , 1.6x3-0.8 ... and know what ?
Thac' all I know ! , Really, you see .. I Failed Math .. so technically hearing it now you should consider me as all inferior n' embarrassment to you , A Company you won't like to have affiliation with , not to mention sticking around and keep the reading.
What else I failed ?
If you'de know what I failed n' how I failed ya'de shit yer pants o' the overestimation you had towards me no metta wha was yer primary value to begin with.
How I didn't fail you should better ask to get me noddin' a lot n' givin' sneaky no words containin' answers as ..."aha" n' "hmf.
I Been Searching the Drawers for some painkillers and disinfection fo' ma fresh wound I just cut last night attemptin' to cut a vegetable it beatn' ma ass n' I still even sure if it was a vegetable perhaps it was a fruit, more likely.
Maybe it's late for Disinfection but not late enough, in same subject I'd like to add that cow which I call Patient Zero now seems he been active in lab work with unfortunate accident involved, he's fuck'n walkin' biological weaponry now that's drinkin' tequila o' same bottle with me Damn Bacteria looks like Anthrax.
In the Drawer I found a script of a Hebrew play just now finished reading it .. aha happened just now with half o' hour pause from writing this .. is it me who writin' it anyway .. you still with me?
This script even tho it's for a stage play (with a funeral) and reminds many others of that kind with that style unique to the Hebrew theatre (if only by its language) .. leme quote ya with me rough translation ..
...
.....
ahhkey lec'n't.
Right .. now what we do is wait till tomora' .. n' in between Tequila there's.
You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack just left town.
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10:55 Sunday September 1 2002 -
Monkey think, monkey do. |
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Che-Burashka |
"Now the graffiti taggers are using acid glass-etching creams to write on shop and car windows. At Tigard High School, a teenage boy takes his shit and wipes it around the walls of the men's bathrooms. The school knows him only as "The Una-Pooper." Nobody's supposed to talk about him because they're afraid of copycats."
My Something works better when i kick it ?
'This applies to what' ya ask?
To the computer i kicked 'n' burned I Say in sorrow..
all worked nice before must have kicked it bit on the harsh way this night couple of happy nights ago..
A Dumb-Bejeweled-Messenger-Copper just entered the office fucking with burdensome TAX reports.
His Mobile just rang with Bomfunk Mc´s Freestyler ringin' n' ravin' at ma partner .. entertainin' the audience ..
He's Gone now.
Nadia's Smokin' Eeels at the lake , Cow rambling with himself tryn' to avoid the unavoidable .. he's a drop out , I know it ,Nadia knows it and Cow there might not agree but is sure aware of it.
Typical Dissrespect to authorities some might call it followed by violent bursts .. mischief even ..I call it ignorance.
Myself .. I am Diggin'.
This Year's XMAS project might be something special 'n' unique to the nation for apriciation.. a total Gonzo coverage of what's Right 'n' What is wrong to do with 'n' to Holiday symbols ..
As for now:
Gonna fix the machine , getting a Grapical Tablet today , got pigieness on the way so tell him i'm Commin'! tell him I'm FUCKN' COMIN!!
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18:52 Thursday August 1 2002 -
Things to do with Street Light Ghosts |
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Val |
Every time go anywha' at night with maself or with cow there's always street lights that turn on or off when we're near em' .. like i point at light and they just shut down :)
this happens every time !
at some point i begun wonderin' could this be sensorts at em' old wooden light polls bu' nee it just happens every time and sometimes when far and just sayn' "see this light there on the poll and Bam it goes black" ..
same happens to Nadia too .. does it happens to anyone else'n'half o' tha world or just us ?
Nadia told told me once how ya know'n'destinct if it's cotton testicles orn't :)0
"Why? Sure, know! Lec place hot iron - and if burnn't - ic cotton! )))))))))"
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3:33 Sunday July 28 2002 -
scumworks |
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Val |
"It was one of those Biological Imperatives, like salmon swimming up waterfalls to spawn before they die. He knew he was scum, but it didn't bother him."
I'm quite a scum maself actualy.
we were sittin' at friends house about a week ago and fuck'n cow mentioned his testicular balls (el la testicule) are 27*C each so i dissagreed with his testicalzation mentionin' that fuck no balls are - 2 degrees 3 max o' yer body (rubbishin' shit thankya kindly;).. anyway this was silly conversation and a useless one.
so to end it up i just said to me amigo bugsy when his sister was around "well maybe we should ask your sister she must have touched more balls than we did .."
As someone once said 'My ship works better when I kick it.'
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3:16 Saturday June 15 2002 -
Soon o' Soon m'boyos .. |
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Pooh |
bebebe..
Isn't it funny
How a bear likes honey?
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
I wonder why he does?
Then he climbed a little further. . . and a little further . . . and then just a little further. By that time he had thought of another song.
It's a very funny thought that, if Bears were Bees,
They'd build their nests at the bottom of trees.
And that being so (if the Bees were Bears),
We shouldn't have to climb up all these stairs.
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21:18 Thursday May 30 2002 -
oy oy oy |
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Dr.Peppa |
Found a Lost friend and lost a found friend ?
hmf ...
Gummed up, brain dead and can't decide
You can't pray enough, you can't hide
You can be cool or you can cry
Do it wrong
Not it all
Or do it right
No one owes you, no one's to blame
Save for bad genes or DNA
Ask your conscience the why and how
Do it then
Do it when
But, do it now
What's up sweet cakes?
Who's hip anyway?
Earthgirls are easy
What you gonna do lil' buckaroo?
(Hey you, you better ask her nice!)
All you gotta do, happy fool, is ask your mom ..
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2:7 Sunday May 5 2002 -
Official report from tha' bug hole |
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Dr.Peppa |
I had my operation i'm now officialy : monkey.
Enlight.
Thinking of how many epileptic seizures my current setup can cause.
Fleshes under bass line ..
"Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."
but what about the unfullish one ?
you know whac' talked about contact tha' HQ ..
mail mail mail.
I'm a temp. But that's not, like, a permanent thing.
permamemt monkey perhaps ?
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1:48 Wednesday May 1 2002 -
El monkeyness with lazyness on top |
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Dr.Peppa |
eatiness.
lazzyness.
cheeze.
peanut butta.
hoolala ..
ho sana hey sana sana sana ho'..
Pizza and Pasta and monkey on Top what are you doing ?
Stop Stop Stop!!!
a friend brought me a hedgehog couple of nights before..
but we set it free , will get meself a hedgehog another time i think ..
thinking back it might had better place here then outside ..
nazi country ..
kids or arabs will find they way to disturb it
Meat loaf station !! ;)
Girl:
I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it!!!
Girl:
Will you love me forever?
Boy:
Let me sleep on it!!!
Girl:
Will you love me forever!!!
III. Praying for the End of Time
Boy:
I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!
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21:0 Sunday March 24 2002 -
Teared to pieces |
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Val |
Just remembered:
..
My mummy once told me that when she was lil' they had a German shepherd dog .. it was back tha' days they were keeping celeries in cash in some kind of a bag (well tha' ol' good mob way).. so one day she and her parents returned home and found all this money (it was many monthly celeries there) Teared to pieces .. the dog apparently was trying to eat this money and it all gone kaput..
now what's strange dear is that I asked my mother about it and she denies she ever told me about something like that and she cant' remember if it happened .. now I think it could be my grandmother told me this. but how come my mummy doesn't know about it ?
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17:53 Friday March 22 2002 -
squirrel attackin' children is funny? |
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Val |
wack·o also whack·o
n. Slang pl. wack·os
- A person regarded as eccentric or irrational: “a catchy pop
portrait of a wacko who talks to himself in French” (Phoebe Hoban).
We all to ourselves don't we?
sure we do ...
I actualy found this lil' thingie some time ago but got no chance to get it around ..
here's and excerpt :The head teacher of the Valley of Enchantment school in Crestline, California describes it as "wacko".
judge it yarself
http://www.ananova.com/yournews/story/sm_526987.html
sup?
sup!
why do people act like monkeys and follow silly man's way ? like aren't you supposed to answer how you're doing when someone's cleverly asking you what's up? .. why like a monkey ya get a sup! in responce ...
ohh and yeah squirrel atacks are funny as enslavin' yar sister can get.
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23:3 Wednesday February 20 2002 -
Things to do with White Giant Universe |
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Val |
Here i was standing there in middle of nowhere with a bike in my ass.
And just think that several minutes ago i was overlooking how many times i could've win the national lottery,even tho it's all lost for me now. the odds are now down to 0.000000000000000000000000000000001%
but they could have been 0.00000000000000000000000000001% ohh boy.
Morning , A Glory time .. people rush to their Day Jobs , children rush to schools to get their very important "Education" and lil' Computer Science students rush to their very damn "important" computer science classes.
Ohh and There's also me who's hipopotamicaly rushin' to wherever they provide ya with free drinks'n'foodsky ..
or when there're things to do at the Cyrucs.
following the mornin' visitin' law : "Be quick cuz friends are many".
Today was all the same but yet diffrent.
Today i've discovered a secret power i've got.
Today will change tomora' cuz yesterday changed today.
My pockets were full(of place to store food i borrow), my teeth were brushed with fresh milk i milked o' tha' closet cow.
and there i was ready to leave my fortress with a 'life or death' task on my shoulders : Revolution.
I decided to leave the valikomobilesky in the cave and choose ma' ShoeMobile (and thac' only cuz was only choice i could "decide" o')
-"My Shoes served me well yesterday and the day before it.." i tought to myslef puttin' em on ma' pink socks.
I got outside , to the nature , Jumpin'n'Arunin' and then walkin' cuz o' slowiness likiness, i was slowly passing streets and roads when suddenly i heared a lovely sound from behind me it went "Brzzzzzzzz".......
There i had to decide left or right.
I could stay where i was but that would have been against my logic.
A short Step left was executed by ma' slidin' cleva' shoes when a a big bad ugly poopsticle colapsed in behind of me.
Tho i Barely moved nor felt any pain
I laughed out and slowly turned around asking the bike checkin' fellow standin' there in shock if he is a Stupid mofo.
strangely still looking on his crap bikesky he asked if anything was broken which quite surprised me cuz pain nor injury there wasn't and his wide open eyes were starrin' at his bike.
It all was clear at that moment : My Powefull long prepared and trained fat ass not only stoped the bike taking all the damage without getin' a scratch but also trashed his wheen and all the fancy night vision accessories he had in tha' front.
He was in panic askin' if i am allright any single moment i gave his turn to speak.. he even wanted to give me his phone number in case he will have trouble falling asleep at night.
Guess all this years o' Ass Preparin' were worthy, it came out of nowhere butt i was prepared.
My Buttsky could serve the nation but first i should test its limits and true abilities.
Advice to tha' ignorant but logical vehicle drivers: practice Heroin Shootin' cuz ya might colapse into someone pissed off next time .. and this'll sure be painful ..
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19:31 Sunday February 17 2002 -
Donates and Donuts |
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El Valiko |
That gun will replace your tongue. You will learn to speak through it. And your poetry will be written in blood.
donate blood = get donuts.
ahh sweet mornin' Donations..
Cars VS Kidneys here:
here
is blood donation a social duty ?
it was in the soviet union , it's strange how the form of donations changed from Donations to Donutations.
teach em' all to give but expect in return.
damn propaganda.
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